A Strongly Worded Letter of Complaint to Comcast Cable

Recently, I was made to believe, by a customer service representative at Comcast Cable, that rather than make a complaint to his supervisor, I should send an email to a VP. Now, of course this 'complaint letter to a VP' is actually a 'suggestion' tool on the Comcast website, and I was obviously batted away, like a... Continue Reading →

Pissues and Shituations: A Tale of Public Bathroomery

Yesterday I had an emergency shituation arise while at the Crestwood PetSmart. I was shopping for a new mousy swing stick toy for my kitty, Mr. Meowmington, when a pressure arose against at my back door that required immediate attention. Unfamiliar with the bathroom layout of the PetSmart, I decided to shuffle down to the... Continue Reading →

The Friend Zone Episode 11: The Ukrainian Part 2

She flowed into my arms, and looked up at me with that smile “Are they watching?” she melodied. I nodded my head and kissed her, right there in front of everyone. I. did. not. give. a. fuck. who. saw. it. I’m being serious folks: audible gasps. Sofia slowly brought her mouth to my ear; goosebumps formed on my neck as her hot breath whispered "I'm going to fuck you tonight, Michael." I was speechless.

The Friend Zone Episode 10: The Ukrainian Part 1

After, Sofia told me that she was married, and her husband was in the Russian Mafia. He was currently in jail in Ukraine. "Soooo...I just came all over a Russian mobsters leather interior, from his wife jerking me off?" MAYBE The coolest question I've ever asked. "I suppose you have done this" Sofia said, smiling at me.

The Friend Zone Episode 8: The Stripper – Part 2: Fear and Loathing in My Bedroom

The Friend Zone (Twilight Zone music: Di-di-di-di-di-di-di-di, di-di-di-di-di-di-di) There is a fifth dimension, beyond that which is known to a man seeking love. It is a dimension as easy to fall into, as it is impossible to crawl out of. It is the middle ground between fear and joy, between desperation and devotion, and it... Continue Reading →

The Friend Zone Episode 7: The Stripper – Part 1: Mouth Stuff

The Friend Zone (Twilight Zone music: Di-di-di-di-di-di-di-di, di-di-di-di-di-di-di) You’re travelling through a dating dimension, a dimension not only of desire and rejection but of a sad need to be with a woman who will NEVER want you, a journey into a pathetic land whose boundaries are that of man’s inability to have a grip on... Continue Reading →

The Friend Zone Episode 6: Those Teeth

The Friend Zone (Twilight Zone music: Di-di-di-di-di-di-di-di, di-di-di-di-di-di-di) You unlock this vagina with the key of romance. Beyond it is another dimension; a dimension of joy, a dimension of laughter, a dimension of happy devotion. You’re moving into a land of both substantive beauty and childlike wonder; But then your hope is turned to fear... Continue Reading →

The Friend Zone Episode 4: The Yoga Instructor – Part 2: Santa Clause is Cumming

The Friend Zone (Twilight Zone music: Di-di-di-di-di-di-di-di, di-di-di-di-di-di-di) You’re travelling through a vaginal dimension, a dimension not only of desire and rejection but of a sad need to be with a woman who will NEVER want you, a journey into a pathetic land whose boundaries are that of man’s inability to have a grip on... Continue Reading →

The Friend Zone Episode 2: The Yoga Instructor – Part 1: Date Nuts

The Friend Zone (Twilight Zone music: Di-di-di-di-di-di-di-di, di-di-di-di-di-di-di) There is a vaginal dimension beyond that which is known to the penis. It is a dimension as dumbfounding and as senseless as most religious beliefs. It is the middle ground between a man’s happiness and despair, between his hope and hopelessness and it lies between the... Continue Reading →

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