We go on a date, wind up back at your place and you shove that cat in my face, asking "Isn't he just precious?" while I politely try to back away so one of its poo-pee-paws that's been stomping around in piss & shit clumps doesn't touch my face. If I'm honest and say your cat is disgusting, I'll wind up in the friction-burn groin ward at Christ Hospital because NOT liking cats will turn your vagina into the Tatooine Desert. But, God forbid your cat scratches me with that shit-paw and gives me the sepsis.
The Friend Zone (Twilight Zone music: Di-di-di-di-di-di-di-di, di-di-di-di-di-di-di) There is a fifth dimension, beyond that which is known to men seeking love. It is a dimension as easy to fall into, as it is impossible to crawl out of. It is the middle ground between fear and joy, between desperation and devotion, and it lies... Continue Reading →
The Cuz Ah, Fall…some people like to romanticize it as the beautiful end of another year in life’s epic tale of endless skullduggery. As for me? Fall means that I won’t get that annoying summer heat rash between my balls and inner thigh that smells like sweaty gym shorts, olive juice and moist panda assholes... Continue Reading →
Preface to Vagina-Bone: I posted, the now wildly popular “Vagina-Bone: One Man’s Journey Into Social Networking” a few days ago, and that very evening my cell phone started to blow up with text messages from a young lady whom I mentioned in the article. For about a half hour she ‘mother fucked’ me and called... Continue Reading →
Dating is one of those rituals in life we have to endure, and like anything else in life it can be painstaking, nerve-racking, and downright unpleasant at times. When you’re on a date, you have hopes and expectations that never quite pan out. Oh, we’re supposed to say things like ‘no expectations’, and ‘no pressure’,... Continue Reading →