Ten Things I’d Rather Do Than See “Transformers 3”

10.) I would rather be slowly and romantically sodomized by the entire ‘Oakland Raiders’ football team,                             including the coach, assistant coach, the water boy, ex players, referees, and all of their wives while wearing strap-ons. On the field, stands packed, all TV stations filming.

09.) I would rather watch, while helplessly tied up, as a pack of starving squirrels chew off my scrotum.

08.) I would rather have my asshole sown shut and witness my body slowly fill up with the poisons and diseases caused by not pooping, until I eventually die a horrible, bloated, and painful death.

 07.) I would rather listen to Paris Hilton tell me her political views for ONE hour.

06.) I would rather watch an episode of ‘American Idol’ (oofa, that’s the tough one)

05.) I would rather go back in time and pass out K.K.K. pamphlets at The [1]Million Man March

04.) I would rather go to an ‘Off Track Betting’ parlor in Georgia dressed in drag

03.) I would rather stand outside of an ‘Americas Next Top Model’ audition, naked

02.) I would rather piss on an electric fence

AND the number one thing I would RATHER do than see ‘Transformers 3’? (Drum roll……)

01.) Blow Optimus Prime

Be a douchebag!

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